Not Another Drarry Fic!
by CaramelAriana
Summary: Yes, it's been done before. No, I don't care. A love story told from every ridiculous angle I can think of. Because every author needs to write a parody...
1. Everyone Knows but Harry

A/N: So…I was skimming through several parodies and awful stories and this idea would not leave me alone. Because every fanfiction writer must write a parody at some point. Right? Right. This story is not in any way intended to reflect any particular stories. I've even written some of the story types I make fun of here; and I'm not ashamed of that! *grin* However, if you are particularly defensive about certain "plot" ideas, you may want to skip this one…

Warnings: This is a _parody_. I do wish to make that clear. As such, the plotline is tenuous, the characterizations questionable, and the timeline non-existent. Also, the chapters are ridiculously short. (I was going to make this a one-shot, but decided on the short chapters for my own personal amusement…mwahaha!)

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Not Another Drarry Fic!  
Chapter 1: Because Everyone Knows but Harry  
...

Harry Potter wrung his hands nervously. It didn't matter that he was a Gryffindor and over the years had proven that he was as courageous as any number of Gryffindors before him. It also didn't matter that he had always told Hermione and Ron everything and they always accepted it, even if it did take some time. If they were initially upset, they would always forgive him eventually.

Hermione and Ron sat across the table from Harry, and watched him as he displayed several nervous tics that the Savior of the Wizarding World simply did not possess. They knew that he was about to share something very important with them; and he seemed to be dragging it out instead of blurting everything out in one go as he was wont to do.

Finally, with a sigh, Harry stopped pacing and collapsed into his chair. "I'm gay," he said nervously.

Ron blinked and Hermione raised an eyebrow. "You don't say," she said, stone-faced.

The redhead chuckled. "Of course you're gay, mate. We already know that."

"What?" Harry sputtered. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Hermione shrugged. "I didn't think it was my place to tell you about your own sexual orientation."

Ron also shrugged. "What she said."

"But you always tell me what I'm feeling!"

Hermione sighed. "That's just it," she said. "You have the emotional ability of a teaspoon. I can't keep going around telling you when to be sad, when to be happy, and when to be attracted to some random bloke. I have far too many other things to do with my time."

Harry pouted, feeling as though this whole conversation was rather anticlimactic considering the months he'd spent agonizing over this tiny detail. Oh, but he knew how to get them. "I'm in love with Draco Malfoy!"

Hermione studied her nails and Ron rolled his eyes. "Obviously," the witch said.

"Right," Ron said nodding. "We knew that too."

Harry threw his hands into the air. "I don't get it!" he shouted in frustration. "Okay, Hermione, I can get you being supportive. But you should be hugging me and telling me it's going to be all right. And Ron," he said, turning to his best friend, "you should be throwing a fit. You're supposed to tell me what an idiot I am and that I can't possibly be in love with Malfoy and I'm supposed to break into hysterical tears!"

"Honestly, Harry," Hermione admonished as she waved a wand to pour them all some tea.

Ron raised a red eyebrow. "I have grown a bit in the past few years, you know. Give me some credit."

"Sorry," Harry mumbled, thoroughly embarrassed. Still, he felt cheated.

Hermione sighed. "I suppose you want our help in hooking up with Draco?"

"What!" Harry gasped, choking on his tea. "Why would I—I mean—I don't even know if he's gay!"

Ron's tea sprayed from his mouth as he too choked on his tea, for very different reasons. "Seriously?" he asked.

"Everyone knows Draco is gay," Hermione said calmly, looking in disgust at the cupboards dripping in spewed tea. "That's disgusting Ronald."

"Don't call me Ronald," the redhead said automatically. "And yeah, Harry, even I know Malfoy's gay. He practically screams 'I'm a ponce'."

"Really, Ron," Hermione said. "Don't say it like that. But yes, since that question is out of the way, do you want our help with Draco?"

"Just a second," Harry said frowning. "Why are you calling him Draco?"

"Don't question the plot-holes, Harry," Ron advised. "Just go with it."

Just then a knock sounded, and Harry wondered who would be visiting his best friends. Ron got up and answered the front door. "Speak of the devil!" he exclaimed.

"Weasley," an aristocratic voice greeted.

"Malfoy," he returned easily. He entered the kitchen with a blond following behind. "Look who decided to join us."

"Draco," Hermione greeted.

He nodded. "Hermione." He then noticed Harry sitting at the table. "Potter."

"Malfoy." He then turned to the redhead. "Ron?"

"Harry?" the redhead questioned.

"Ron," Hermione said, exasperated.

"Hermione?" Harry questioned. He raised an eyebrow. "Malfoy?"

"Draco," the witch corrected.

"Or Malfoy," the blond said with a shrug.

Harry turned to the blond with a frown. "Hermione?"

"Hermione."

"Dumbledore!" All four occupants turned to the portrait of the former headmaster in surprise. The portrait winked. "I want to play too!"

Hermione frowned. "I always forget he's in our kitchen."

"Why is he in our kitchen?" Ron asked.

She sighed. "So Harry can talk to him when we're not here."

"That's not the point!" Harry exclaimed. "What are you doing here Malfoy?"

The blond sniffed. "I work with Hermione and came to drop off some files."

"Excellent!" She leaped from her chair and grabbed the folders of parchment from the blond. "This is just what I need to finish my report!"

Ron and Harry groaned, fully expecting Hermione to spend the next thirty minutes describing her current assignment in detail. They were both surprised when she asked Draco to take a seat next to Harry and poured him a cup of tea.

"So Draco," she began. "What do you think of our dear Harry?"

Harry choked on his tea for the second time that morning. He glared at his female best friend even as his cheeks flared with embarrassment. Draco, as usual, remained extremely cool and took a sip from his tea. "How do you mean?"

"I mean, do you find him attractive?"

Harry set his tea down after choking again and gave it up as a lost cause. He didn't really like orange blossom anyway. "Is this really necessary?" he hissed. Hermione just winked.

"Well," Draco began as he, too, set his cup on the table. "I think he has brilliant eyes and hair that anyone would want to run their fingers through. He is very funny when he's not trying, and very kind-hearted. I suppose if I was forced into an answer I would say yes, I find him attractive."

Harry choked again, but this time could not blame it on the tea. "But you hate me!" he accused.

Draco shrugged. "Five minutes ago, perhaps. Five years ago? Definitely. But I suddenly see just how charming you are and I can honestly see myself with you for the rest of my life."

Harry blushed just as Ron held up a hand. "Wait a minute," he pleaded with a frown. "Just now? I am extremely confused."

Hermione rolled her eyes and nudged him with her elbow. "Plot hole," she whispered. They both looked around nervously before Ron nodded.

Harry didn't care. He had just found out that the man he loved desired him as well. "Would—would you like to go out sometime?" Harry asked.

Draco smiled. "You are just too cute. Of course I would. Let's get coffee in Diagon Alley."

Harry grinned. "It's a date!"

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A/N: Oh really, Harry is just so endearingly clueless. Probably the least dramatic coming out experience ever, poor thing. I do hope you are enjoying this as much as I am. I've got most of the story written out, but if there's a Drarry element you'd like to see, I can probably find a way to work it in. Until next chapter!


	2. Original Characters Are Necessary

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to **Jokes**, my very first reviewer! Thanks, I always love your reviews!

Warnings: _See Chapter 1._

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Not Another Drarry Fic!  
Chapter 2: Because Original Characters Are Necessary, Dammit!

It was a beautiful day in London, despite the city's fame for gloomy weather. The sun shone brightly as fluffy white clouds passed across azure skies, which was admittedly strange given the amount of pollution in Britain's busiest metropolitan. The clouds were wide enough to allow children to guess their shapes, but not so wide as to ever impede the sunlight streaming down. There was an air of freshness that only the newness of spring could bring. Birds and four-legged animals would have been singing, but that might draw parallels to a Disney film, which the Authoress would very much like to avoid.

Harry and Draco sat across from one another in a pleasant café in Diagon Alley. They held each other's hands and stared deeply into the other's eyes. They were in love, and they didn't care who knew it. No one seemed to notice that two men were lovingly holding hands in the café. They didn't care that the hero of the wizarding world was being romanced by an ex-Death Eater. Never mind that the two had grown up hating each other. The love was sudden and shiny and new and a thousand deaths to anyone who tried to challenge it.

A beautiful young girl suddenly sat beside Draco. She had flowing dark hair and striking blue eyes. Her pale complexion was flawless. She wore jeans that fit her perfectly and a top that showed just the barest hint of full cleavage. She had a natural girl-next-door charm and eyed Harry appraisingly.

"You're Harry Potter!" she exclaimed.

"Obviously," Draco said, with a sigh. He could never have a relaxing meal with his boyfriend. They were always being approached for photos and autographs.

"I am such a huge fan!" she claimed. She then began telling them about how she had followed Harry's story from the beginning and that she had begged to go to Hogwarts but her mother had insisted on Beauxbatons.

"What was your name again?" Harry interrupted politely.

"I'm Mary Sue—"

There was a soft click before Mary Sue was abruptly cut off. She stared at Harry, mouth going slack. Harry had just enough time to notice the small hole in her head before the girl fell back onto the ground.

Another young woman slipped into the seat beside Harry. She reached across the table and grabbed the mug that Mary Sue had been drinking from. She sniffed it before taking a tentative sip. "Hmmm," she hummed. "At least she had good taste in tea."

Harry gaped at the strange woman as he felt Draco grip his arm. "What did you do to her?" Draco whispered in fear.

The girl rolled her eyes. "I shot her."

"You what her?"

She held up a small gun with a small contraption secured to the front. Harry knew from the few movies he had been allowed to see when he was younger that the contraption was a silencer.

"Why did you shoot her?" Harry asked, horrified.

"Because her type annoys me."

"What do you mean 'her type'?" Draco asked superiorly.

She shook her head sadly. "Mary Sues are the worst type of character. They have really shallow personalities with no thought to their motivations. Their background stories are so thin you could walk right through them; if they even have background stories. Trust me, I did you a favor."

"Wha whoare yar toolking bout?" Draco and Harry asked.

Or at least that's what it sounded like. Fortunately for the continuance of this story this character had been written with quite a bit of intelligence so she was able to decipher what was actually said. The questions split into something like this:

Harry asked "Who are you?" Draco asked "What are you talking about?"

The girl decided to ignore Draco as she was prone to do, though the blond couldn't know that. She focused on Harry's question. "My name is Eva. I found out what was going on over here and decided that I needed to step in before _she_" she glared at the corpse "was given any real consideration."

"Where did you get the gun?" Harry asked cautiously.

"I…borrowed it," Eva said sketchily.

"But where did you come from?" Draco asked, concerned that she had seemed to sneak up on them without their notice.

"I snuck out of another story. I couldn't just sit back and let this happen. I know The Authoress thinks she's got control over this thing, but her characters tend not to listen to her." She pointed to herself. "Case in point."

"The Authoress?" Draco squeaked.

Eva nodded solemnly. "Yes, she controls everything here. And I know she was using Mary Sue as a comedic device, but that idiot could have turned this light romance quickly into angst. The Authoress also tends to lose control over her plotlines."

Harry shook his head. "I don't understand what you're saying," he pouted.

Draco stared at Harry. He loved when the other boy pouted, he looked so cute. He smiled softly.

He was brought to awareness by a finger snapping in his face. He blinked and saw Eva stretched across the table.

"Oi, Draco. Wakey wakey." She glanced around nervously. "I've gotta get out of here, before she realizes I've become somewhat sentient." She moved to get up.

Harry shot out a hand and grabbed her wrist. "Wait! What are we supposed to do about her?" He motioned to the body lying on the ground.

Eva shrugged. "Just leave it there."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "You don't think that will cause problems."

"As you can see, it's not really bothering anyone at the moment." They glanced around to see that Eva was right. No one seemed to notice that there was a girl on the floor with blood flowing out of her head.

Draco shook his head. "This is so strange."

"Clearly The Authoress hasn't realized I've been here. I've gotta go now." She stood from the table. "I'll see you guys later. Hopefully in a story with a more well-thought-out plot." With a careless wave of her gun she disappeared into the crowd of Diagon Alley.

"Perhaps we should leave as well?" Draco suggested.

"You really want to just leave this girl here?" Harry asked incredulously.

Draco shrugged. "Best we get going before somebody realizes what's happened. This," he gestured to the body, "would be bad for my rep."

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A/N: *Grumble, grumble* Can't believe Eva snuck in here. Where did she find the time to sneak in? I kept her so busy in "Collision"!" Must keep a better eye on my characters…

Anyway, please review and let me know what you think. Also let me know if there's a classic Drarry aspect you'd like me to cover. Until next time!


	3. Everyone Loves MPregs

Warnings: _See Chapter 1._

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Not Another Drarry Fic!  
Chapter 3: Because Everyone Likes MPregs  
...

Harry stretched out on the couch Draco had insisted on buying. He couldn't believe they had been dating for two months and Draco had been living with him for a week. He made Grimmauld Place look so much brighter.

Yes, Harry had decided to move into Grimmauld Place, despite the memories that plagued the location. Sure the first year he had lived there he had nightmares every night, but he was quite used to that after all. And he had Kreacher to keep him company, even if he had been sent away earlier, he came back without protest. It seemed even ornery house elves could have a change of heart. Together they had been able to pry the portrait of the Black Matriarch off the wall, even though no one before them had managed it. Kreacher had promised the portrait had been burned, and in spite of his past transgressions, Harry believed him.

The place had been dreary when Draco moved in, but he had quickly set to work redecorating. Now the place felt light and airy and smelled faintly of roses.

Harry was broken out of his reverie as Draco walked in.

The blond looked at him with adoration and made Harry's insides squirm. "What are you thinking about, my love?" Yes, Draco Malfoy used pet names because, gosh darn it, this is my story!

"Draco, I want to start a family with you!" Harry said lovingly, as he leaned up from the couch.

Draco beamed at Harry, glad to be with the one he loved more than anyone in the world. To hear that Harry wanted to have a family with him made his heart soar. Quickly the smile turned into a frown. "Harry, we can't have kids. We're both male."

Harry's bright eyes lost their spark. He moped before another thought occurred to him. "I'll get a sex change! That way I can bear your children!"

Draco looked at Harry incredulously. "Are you daft?" he asked seriously.

Harry bit his lip nervously, wondering why Draco was suddenly acting so strange. Actually, if he thought about it, Draco had always been like that and these last couple of months together had brought out a completely different Draco. But Harry didn't see it that way and he was hurt that Draco would speak so sharply.

"When you get a sex change they change the outward appearance of your genitalia. You don't suddenly grow a womb. So you couldn't bear my children."

Harry frowned at his boyfriend. "How do you know that?"

Draco blushed. "I read it in some sociology book."

Harry sighed. "Well, isn't there some potion I can take? Or maybe there's a spell that can make a wizard pregnant?"

Draco shook his head. "There's no magic that can give you a uterus, Harry." He smirked. "Besides, I like you just as you are, all male." He squeezed between Harry's legs to make his point.

Harry groaned and there was no talk of sex changes for the rest of the night.

The next morning Harry woke up feeling rather nauseous. He groaned and wondered if he had had anything to drink last night. Then he remembered the sex marathon he and Draco had and blushed. He was remembering one particular move fondly before the nausea overcame him and he rushed to the bathroom, effectively emptying out the contents of his stomach.

Suddenly Draco was there, surprisingly alert given that he'd just been snoring softly in the bedroom. He rubbed small circles around Harry's back and used a wash cloth to wipe the sweat from his love's forehead. He didn't find anything disgusting about it, never mind that his mates from school would probably faint if they saw Draco sitting on a bathroom floor.

When Harry finally stopped gagging, Draco asked if he was okay. Harry nodded. "I am now," he said. Draco kissed him without hesitation because this is a fanfic, and in fanfics mouths are magically clean after vomiting.

After a week's worth of similar mornings, Draco began to worry very much about his boyfriend. He had finally convinced Harry to get it checked out, which is why they were sitting in Ron and Hermione's living room. It never occurred to anyone in the small group that perhaps St. Mungo's should have been the first stop, and not a visit to Hermione.

Still, the witch had performed several complicated diagnostic spells, despite the fact that she was not a healer and had never studied medicine. Even though they all had complete belief in her capabilities, they all stood in shock at what her last diagnostic spell revealed.

"What?" Draco and Harry asked.

"How could that be?" Ron asked, face going pale.

Hermione shook her head. "It's hard to believe, but I did some research."

"That's not hard to believe," Draco muttered.

Hermione playfully hit him on the shoulder, because these days Draco let her do such things. "I meant what I discovered is hard to believe." She turned to her best friend. "Apparently the Potter bloodline is mixed with Veela, Werewolf, Elf, Goblin, Elemental, and Vampire blood."

"Isn't that a bit excessive?" Ron asked.

Hermione just shrugged. "I said it was hard to believe."

"None of those creatures grant males the ability to bear young," Draco pointed out.

"Ah!" said Hermione, brightening. "Apparently the combination of all that magical blood allows Harry to bear children!"

"So I have a uterus?" Harry asked, panicking.

Draco frowned and hugged Harry reassuringly. He had no problems showing physical affection in front of the other Gryffindors.

"Kind of," Hermione answered. "It's not exactly a uterus. It's a sac of amniotic fluid that your body developed."

Draco suddenly thought of a problem. "How are we supposed to get the baby out?"

Everyone stared at Harry's stomach.

Hermione tapped her chin. "We'll have to cut it out."

"Wha!" Harry shrieked. Though Draco tried valiantly to soothe him, Harry promptly passed out.

"I meant a C-section," she said, rolling her eyes. She and Ron watched as Draco tried to revive his Harry. They had both gotten so used to seeing Harry in trouble that it did not concern them that he had fainted…even if he was pregnant.

Draco sighed when Harry didn't wake. "I suppose I need to take him to St. Mungo's," Draco said, lifting Harry.

"Make sure you tell them he's pregnant," Ron said.

Draco nodded and apparated on the spot.

Ron looked to his wife. "You know, I'm not in any way weirded out by Harry's being pregnant."

"I know," Hermione said. "It'll be so nice that he and Draco get to start a family."

"Can you believe we used to hate Draco?" Ron asked. They both laughed.

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A/N: Thank you Jokes and Mister Jackkkk for your reviews! I'm glad you like to story. Remember dear readers, reviews keep the Authoress happy. And when the Authoress is happy, the story stays light and fluffy. I'm sure you wouldn't want anything to happen to poor pregnant Harry? *evil grin*


	4. Pregnant Harry is So Damn Cute

Warnings: _See Chapter 1._

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Not Another Drarry Fic!  
Chapter 4: Because Pregnant Harry is Just So Damn Cute  
…

Harry hummed happily as he did the dishes. Though one would think that his years of abuse under the Dursleys' "care" would have led to his having all sorts of traumatizing associations with household chores, he actually liked to do the dishes. He liked all housework really, much to Kreacher's chagrin.

The little house elf wrung his hands beside the wizard. "Master Potter should not be being on his feet. Kreacher will do the dishes. Master should be sitting by the fire."

Harry frowned. "Kreacher, what have I told you about calling me 'Master'? And besides, I like doing the dishes."

"Can Kreacher be getting the Master a stool?"

Harry sighed and looked at his round belly. Apparently his mutt-magical blood increased the gestational period of the child and at two months he was already ending his second "trimester". Knowing that Draco would have a fit if he saw him standing, he nodded at Kreacher. "Oh all right, I suppose I could use a stool."

Kreacher immediately jumped to his chore and physically dragged the stool to the sink, seemingly forgetting that he could use magic. Ever since learning of the pregnancy the elf had been extremely fretful, watching Harry with worried eyes. Apparently ornery house elves had a soft spot for babies. He had even helped Harry put the nursery together. The wizard had chosen everything, and despite Draco's fear, it looked amazing. Sure, Harry had never had much fashion sense before, but once he discovered he was gay he magically inherited good taste. It was important he fit into the stereotypes after all.

Suddenly Harry heard the door open and grinned. He gingerly stepped down from the stool and hurried to the font hallway. "Draco!" he exclaimed and threw himself at his boyfriend.

The blond easily caught Harry, not at all fazed by the added weight of the wizard's pregnant belly. Though he had performed little heavy lifting in his short life, he still had muscles from when he played Quidditch and was quite strong. He lifted a squealing Harry and spun him around, carefully avoiding putting pressure on the "womb", though admittedly that should have been a physical impossibility.

"What have you been doing my love?" Draco asked fondly.

Harry smiled sheepishly. "I've been washing the dishes.

Draco rolled his eyes. "You should not be on your feet so much."

"I used a stool!"

Kreacher inched out of the kitchen. "Master Potter has been bad. Kreacher is asking Master not to wash the dishes. Kreacher is asking Master to use a stool." He then proceeded to bang his head against the wall for speaking against Harry.

Draco sighed. "I thought as much." He then set Harry on the ground, as the author had previously forgotten to do so. He surreptitiously shook his arms to get the feeling back in them. He then hurried to Kreacher to get the small elf to stop abusing himself. It was a known fact that Draco had never been fond of his father's treatment of their house elves and was now using his time to make up for the hardships he had put his elves through as a child. "Please don't do that to yourself, Kreacher," he said. "Why don't you make up for it by finishing the dishes?"

Kreacher immediately stopped bashing in his head and visibly brightened. "Yes, Kreacher is to be doing dishes. Kreacher will do so right away." He smiled. The evil house elf's smile should have frightened small children, but Harry thought it was sweet.

He was still smiling when Draco came and wrapped his arms around him. "I really wish you would stay off your feet," Draco mumbled, nuzzling into Harry's neck.

Harry sighed. "But I get bored. I'm not some invalid!" he whined.

"I know you aren't," Draco said calmly, soothing Harry's hormonal nerves. "It's just that I worry about you and the baby. This is a high-risk pregnancy, and I don't want anything to happen to you."

Harry turned in his lover's arms. "Oh Draco," he gasped. "I love you!"

"I love you too," Draco said, before placing a kiss on his boyfriend's lips.

Draco managed to convince Harry to stay off his feet for the remaining month of the pregnancy. So when the time came for delivery, Harry and the baby were both healthy. Draco stood among the healers as they began the procedure for removing the baby.

"This is incredible!" Hermione gasped. She had an armful of parchment and a quill as she took notes. No one in the wizarding medical community could recall any instance of a male pregnancy and delivery. Hermione was not about to miss the opportunity to learn as much about it as possible. None of the healers and mediwitches seemed to care about the presence of possibly contaminated materials.

Ron stood beside Hermione, looking rather green. Draco rolled his eyes at the redhead's weak stomach. He predicted that before the procedure was over, Ron would likely pass out. He turned back to his lover's unconscious form and felt his heart constrict. He was incredibly nervous about the surgery. Hermione had explained it in every possible detail. It had done nothing to ease his concerns.

Until that point, they had been saved the actual imagery of Harry being cut open. Well, Hermione had managed to secure a spot where she could see everything. Because really, everyone knew that her thirst for knowledge completely overcame her concern and queasiness at seeing her best friend's innards. Suddenly there was a rustle of arms over Harry's body and they pulled a baby from Harry's temporary wound. Draco's heart soared and Ron promptly passed out.

After spanking the child to get it to breath, one of the healers stepped over Ron's prone body and handed the baby to Draco. The blond gave the bloody heap an incredulous stare. "What is that?" he exclaimed.

The healer sighed and waved his wand over the screaming child. Suddenly all the goop and blood disappeared and Draco's eyes widened. "My son!" he exclaimed, arms outstretched.

Hermione frowned. "I don't see a penis."

"My daughter!" Draco corrected and cradled the child in his arms. He had never held a baby before, but he seemed to instinctively know what to do. His position felt completely natural, and he would have melted if he wasn't afraid of dropping his newly born daughter. That, and the physical impossibility of such an event.

"Would you like to cut the cord?" the healer asked.

"What cord?" Draco asked.

"The umbilical cord," Hermione explained.

"What's that?" Draco asked.

Hermione then launched into a full description of what the umbilical cord was and how it had kept the baby alive while it was in Harry's womb. She then went on to explain the cultural importance of the father cutting the umbilical cord. By the time she was done, Draco had already severed the cord and the doctor had taken the baby to perform a variety of test to ensure its health. The other healers had also managed to completely heal the surgical cut—magic really was amazing—and Harry was coming out of his restful slumber.

He cracked his eyes opened, and then gasped at his significantly smaller belly. He immediately sought out Draco, who grinned back at him. The blond walked over to his boyfriend and Harry sat up to receive a heated kiss."

"Misters Malfoy and Potter?" the healer interrupted. They both turned to him. "Your daughter."

Harry took his daughter as tears began to stream down his face. "My little Lily," he whispered.

Draco smiled. He had no problem naming their daughter after Harry's mother. Before all of this had happened, he would have demanded a name fit for a Malfoy. But he loved Harry so, and knew he would do anything for him. "Harry," he whispered fondly.

Harry turned bright green eyes to him. "Yes?"

"Marry me."

A collective silence fell across the room. Harry stared in surprise, and then smiled the most beautiful grin Draco had ever seen. "Yes."

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A/N: Thank you everyone who reviewed. This week has been kind of hectic. I'm sorry if you reviewed and I didn't respond. *sheepish smile* Here's some Draco plushies to say sorry.

So...I can either end this here, or I can write a chapter about the wedding. I'll leave it to a vote. If at least three people say they'd like to see a wedding, I'll write it. *smirk*


	5. Every Drarry Needs a Wedding

Warnings: _See Chapter 1._

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Not Another Drarry Fic!  
Chapter 5: Because Every Drarry Needs A Wedding!  
…

The Malfoy grounds were bathed in the clear sunshine that Wiltshire summers were presumably known for. The late June air was warm without being hot. A cool, light breeze gently shook the trees. Even if the author had done enough research to accurately describe the scene, and had discovered that Wiltshire in June was actually quite cloudy and wet, the Malfoys' were rich enough to afford expensive rain-repellant charms and brightening charms. We can assume that such charms existed at a price. But as the author is blissfully unaware of the climate in Wiltshire, it was the perfect day for a wedding.

Said wedding took place on the South Lawn of the grand estate. We can't be positive that Malfoy Manor contained a "South Lawn", but since J.K. Rowling deprived her readers of that one scene in which Draco Malfoy walks the grounds with Theodore Nott, we can but speculate. As such, the South Lawn was decorated in typical Malfoy splendor. If anyone was surprised that the Malfoys had come away from the war with their riches and political clout intact, no one mentioned it. Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy took up the most desirable seats to the left, while Arthur and Molly Weasley did the same on the right. Molly held Lily Narcissa Malfoy-Potter. Narcissa had not argued, likely because she did not want her dress robes soiled by baby spittle.

In an unbelievable turn of events—though not so incredible considering the unlikely events of the past few months—the Malfoys and elder Weasleys seemed to have put aside their long time feud. The Weasleys immediately forgave the Malfoys' previous sins once they saw how happy Draco made their Harry. The Malfoys—for their part—conveniently gave up their disinclination for "blood-traitors". In fact, they were now so muggle-friendly that Lucius had allowed Hermione access to the massive Malfoy library. Strangely, no dark tomes were discovered in the grand room, but this is not the story in which to examine such possibilities. Let it also be noted that the Malfoys—obviously—financed the entire wedding, and that the Weasleys—not so obviously—made no protest.

Aside from the guests of honor, the lawn was filled with well-wishers from all over Wizarding Britain. After all, it was not every day that _the_ Harry Potter got married. The press were also in attendance. Harry had put up little fight to their presence as he had outgrown his squeamishness of the press. There were a few sign holders in front of the Malfoy gates protesting the marriage of two wizards, but they went largely ignored. The wizarding world had always been quite welcome of same-sex couples and aptly disregarded the small minority that disapproved.

The crowd was silenced as music began to play. At this point the author must apologize for skipping ahead. Unfortunately, she cannot be bothered to dig out her books to see if J.K. Rowling actually described Bill and Fleur's wedding ceremony, and muggle ceremonies are quite long and mostly boring. Needless to say, both Draco and Harry looked equally breathtaking in their wedding robes. The ceremony was filled with tears and beautiful magic. When the two men finally kissed, you could tell how much they loved each other.

It was hours into the reception when Lucius asked Draco if he could cut in with a dance with Harry. Draco easily let his father step in with not even a shred of suspicion and smiled fondly. Harry immediately took up the "passive" stance as by now he was quite used to being a bottom—because all gay relationships must have a defined top and bottom.

"Harry," Lucius said, beaming. "I'm sho happy you're part of the family now." Harry could smell the firewhiskey on Lucius' breath and giggled. No one found it odd that Lucius would get flagrantly drunk with company present.

Lucius chattered through the dance—apparently he was quite talkative when drunk. He had Harry in stitches. As the song ended, Lucius sobered momentarily. "Do not hurt my son," he warned, eyes glinting.

Harry gulped. Even though he had conquered death and defeated Voldemort, he was suddenly quite terrified of Lucius Malfoy.

"Father, don't threaten my husband," Draco admonished, magically appearing as only characters in fictional writing can do.

Lucius pouted. "I'm only looking out for my son."

Draco rolled his eyes. You would never guess that he used to be a quivering mess in front of his father. "I think Mother has some ice lollies for you." Lucius' eyes widened and he left in search of his treat-bearing wife.

"Are you ready to go?" Draco asked his new husband.

Harry's smile was dazzling. He had n fear for their infant daughter since they were leaving her in the quite capable hands of Narcissa. Lucius might be incredibly drunk, but Narcissa was a commanding—and sober—woman.

At Harry's nod, Draco apparated them to their honeymoon destination. Even though it was located far from England, everyone knows that wizards can apparate anywhere, no matter the distance or whether they had actually been there. In blatant disregard for time zones, Bora Bora was dark when they arrived. Had they gone to a muggle resort, the beach line would have been lit like a Christmas tree. However, the glowing balls of magical light in the wizarding resort did little to highlight the scenery. This was quite fortuitous for the author, who has never been to Bora Bora and is too lazy to search for pictures on the internet.

Draco smiled softly and Harry and led him to the elegant bungalow he had reserved. Harry did not have a chance to admire the interior décor; as soon as the door closed, Draco began kissing him with fervor. Robes were discarded and they found themselves on the bed. It clearly was not their first time typical of "perfect wedding nights"—such as that described by Stephenie Meyer—since they already had a baby. But it was romantic nonetheless.

After several rounds of ridiculously romantic and perfect coital bliss, they laid twined together on the giant bed.

Harry sighed in contentment. "I love you," he said.

Draco placed a sweet kiss on his forward. "I love you too."

Harry suddenly felt a twitch in his shoulder. It reminded him of the feeling he got back in the war when he thought somebody was following him. "Do you ever get the feeling someone's watching you?" he asked, voice soft.

Draco chuckled. "You're paranoid."

They stared at the night sky through their conveniently placed bedroom window, both thinking that a more perfect love story had never been told.

* * *

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get up. RL has been ridiculous lately. Thank you everyone who has reviewed and/or is following this story. This is definitely the end. *glares at the story* I think special apologies must be made to anyone traumatized by the somewhat subtle allusion to the Twilight books/movies. I know, I'm awful and should be forced to die in a rainstorm of sparkles.

As always, reviews are more than welcome. *wink wink*


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